Intangible Currency and a Simplified Life

 

When did it become virtuous to work oneself to death? Why has overcommitting and under sleeping come to mean we're "doing it right?" I'm guilty of the same thing- of finding ways to stay busy without any real intentionality. And, its exhausting. And frustrating. Because, the more we push ourselves, the more we struggle to do our tasks well. The more we succeed by the world's standards- throwing more and more balls in the air- the more we feel like we're failing, as our nearly perfect performance becomes more and more flawed with each new commitment. For Christians who are also trying to "be still" as the Bible tells us to, it's another reminder of all the things we are failing to do well. 

I've wrestled with this a lot. Because, the world measures worth in money, achievements, and busyness. In the absence of one, it makes sense that one would need to double up on another. As a stay at home mom with no significant financial contribution, aside from what I save us in would-be childcare, fast food costs, and skincare expenses, I've tried to increase my "value" in other ways. 

I have come to understand that everything is limited- time, strength, mental and physical energy- like a kind of intangible currency we spend to achieve the things we prioritize. When we spend it in one place it reduces the amount we have to use in another, and if we come up short we have to compensate by pulling from other areas. Overexerting in one area often means taking from another for a less than perfect end result. If we're mentally overworked, the task we're attempting often takes longer; if we feel exceptionally stressed in any area we often become irritable and short-tempered. It is discouraging to feel like you're completely spent and still came up short. But, how many of us feel like this every. Single. Day? Is it any wonder that some people give up trying?

This has been one of my hard-learned lessons over the past several years- that "be still" is not another task to accomplish, but permission to pause and breathe. What is it that we are really trying to accomplish? What tasks are causing more stress than they're worth? A question that I ask a lot when it comes to homeschooling my kids is, "what is necessary and beneficial for learning, and what is busywork that can be skipped?" 

One of the reasons, I think, people get overwhelmed by the idea of homeschooling, is because school has become such a big, complex, amorphic monster. Like so many other things in our lives, education has become a construct of rules and rubrics- a check-the-boxes-to-make-sure-nothing-is-missed deity that is a necessary evil people tolerate because they have to. I think it is time to re-evaluate this perception. All of the books and computer programs, worksheets, and teaching aids are great, but they should be tools we use, not the immovable, apathetic dictator they often become. 

What do children absolutely need to know to succeed in life? Academically, they need to know how to read and write and do math. For a long time, those were the only things that were taught in school- everything else was taught at home, learning the family trade and how to keep a home. Do you know those things well enough to teach them with the help of aids? If no, are you able to find someone who can? Suddenly, the big scary monster is a manageable size, and you are free to fill in other lessons and activities that are of interest or you feel are important. This is just one example of practical simplification, and how it gives us the freedom to enjoy our work. 

"Be still" does not mean we are meant to be idle- there are many passages in the Bible that talk about the importance of work. But, I do think it means slowing down and being intentional; clearing our minds enough that we are able to be present and engaged- with those around us and with God. Perhaps that is one of the greatest gifts children give us- engaging with and teaching them necessitates that we slow down and act intentionally. When we try to get them to move at our pace there is frustration and resentment, maybe even anger; but, if we can slow down and help them at their pace without feeling the pressure to accomplish quickly, in the end we are able to accomplish so much more with minimal discord. 

And, isn't this what Jesus taught when he was on earth? More tasks, rules, and rituals does not make a person "better." Rather, it's important to focus on what really matters. In his case it was to focus on him as the only means of salvation, but the concept applies to other areas of life, also. When we understand what matters we are able to be more efficient in the work we do, and ultimately we can accomplish more with our sanity intact. 

And so, I encourage you to be still, even in your work; to be intentional, and strip your work down to what really matters. In the end, that's the most satisfying part anyway- knowing you did something that mattered, and you did it well. 

Hope in Spite of Grief

 We lost a baby this week. It's a deep, gut-wrenching loss that I'd hoped I would never experience, but that didn't stop it from happening. It s a surreal thing- to see the baby on the ultrasound and then to know it isn't there anymore. It's a little hard to accept at times... 

I know I'm not alone. I'm just one of so many thousands of women who have miscarriages every year. It's heartbreaking to think about. The world is so full of heartbreak... 

I was blessed by a friend who came to minister to me today, and she read to me from 2 Corinthians 1- 

"Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God. For as we share abundantly in Christ's sufferings, so through Christ we share abundantly in comfort too." 

Chapter 4 goes on to say, 

"Therefore, having this ministry by the mercy of God, we do not lose heart... For what we proclaim is not ourselves, but Jesus Christ as Lord, with ourselves as your servants for Jesus' sake. For God, who said, 'Let light shine out of darkness,' has shone in our hearts to give the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Jesus Christ.

But we have this treasure in jars of clay, to show that the surpassing power belongs to God and not to us. We are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not driven to despair; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed; always carrying in the body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be manifested in our bodies. For we who live are always being given over to death for Jesus' sake, so that the life of Jesus also may be manifested in our mortal flesh."

This is the hope that Christians have that the world doesn't understand. I have hope in the midst of heartache, because I believe that God is good, even when things happen that we don't understand. Maybe in this case it's the ability to sympathize with others who have been in this situation; maybe, it's a change in me that needed to happen. I have been so afraid, for so long, that something would happen to one of my babies that I wouldn't be able to prevent. I just can't fathom that kind of grief. I have been blessed with four beautiful babies, who I would do anything to protect; but, I lost this one, and there was nothing I could do to prevent it. 

As I left the doctors' office the other day with the knowledge of what was to come, I felt a stirring in my spirit, and a quiet, gentle voice that said, "Stop clinging so tight to things that are beyond your control. You know that I AM good, and I AM in control, and I will keep them. You need to let go."

And so, in the midst of this, though my heart still aches for the baby I didn't get to hold, I feel braver. Because I believe in the goodness of God, and that good will come from our loss, even though I may not ever know the extent of it. And, even in this, God has been merciful; He chose to use a precious unborn life instead of one of the beautiful babies that I've held and cared for and gotten to know for so many years. 

"And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose." -Romans 8:28

Choosing Thankfulness

                                                 

We started a new tradition this month. On September first, I hung up a tree on our wall, and we've been adding leaves to it every day with things that we're thankful for. It's fun to see what the kids want to add- to get a peek into their beautiful minds at the things that are important to them. Our four-year-old has been especially enthusiastic about cutting and coloring her own leaves, and then telling me what to write on each one. We will keep it up till after Thanksgiving. It's been a nice reminder that, even in the midst of all of the uncertainty and turmoil in the world, we still have so much to be thankful for.

As things seem to spiral further out of control, I am so thankful to know Who is ultimately in control of it all. The world is a dark, broken place, full of evil and pain(Revelation 12); but, we can have confidence and peace (though it is human to be fearful), knowing that Jesus has already conquered evil (Hebrews 2:14-18), and when He returns, it will be as a Warrior King and Judge(Revelation 19:11-21). He will bring home those who have trusted Him to save them; and, once evil is destroyed and the world is made new, we will get to rule the new earth as co-heirs to His inheritance (2 Timothy 2:12). What a beautiful gift, not only to know Who is in control, but to know that He desires such intimate fellowship with us. 

There is beauty that comes from the ashes of such devastating times, and usually it involves people searching for help, realizing that the house they've built on the sand for themselves can be washed away in the smallest storm- that they are never quite as in control of things as they like to think they are. I pray for the hearts of those who do not know Christ, and are frantically clinging to this dying world, because it's all they have. I pray that people will find hope in the promise of salvation, and in knowing that there is so much more to come after this.

I still try to control my reality and I fret about the things I'm unable to change. But, when I take a step back and look at the big picture, I am so thankful that I'm not the one who has to keep this crazy world together. This world will be destroyed. Things aren't going to get better. Until Jesus comes back and rids the world of the evil that currently poisons it.

I am thankful to know how the story ends, and I look forward to the world as it is meant to be, ruling with my Lord, forever.

The Gift of a Weekend

 "If you then, who are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven give good things to those who ask him" -Matthew 7:11

My husband and I went away for the weekend. It wasn't something we'd planned, considered, or even thought possible. But, when my brother called and asked us to share their work trip with them, we started calling grandparents to see if they could watch the kids. We even had airline points that were going to expire, so our weekend getaway ended up costing almost nothing! 

It was a wonderful weekend, and much needed; once we got there, we realized how much. Everything was perfect- the room, the ocean, the pool, the bike rides, the company... and, the cherry on top of the whole trip was the dolphin, Andre, who swam up to dock we were on to say hello, who allowed us to touch him.

And, the whole weekend we were there, I just felt loved. By my husband, certainly, but also by God. It was one of those moments where you just feel completely seen and understood and cherished. It was a reprieve from the trials, struggles, cares, and uncertainties that have been weighing us down, and we were able to reconnect and remember how much we enjoy each others' company. Truly a gift! I also got to spend the weekend with my brother- my best friend growing up- and my sister-in-law, who I now love so much more after getting to know her better and the gem she is! 

None of this was planned, or even seen as a possibility, and yet it happened to be better than we ever could have hoped! As I reflect on it now, it is a beautiful reminder of the blessing it is to know Who orchestrates all things. Even in the midst of uncertainty and fear, at the end of the day we can cling to the knowledge that we have a good God who cares for His children. 

I don't know what the future holds, but I know Who holds the future, and I know that this broken world is not all we have to live for. I know that He has promised to make all things new, and our perfect weekend doesn't even compare to what we have to look forward to. 

This weekend was a gift- an answer to an unspoken prayer. And, I am so thankful.

To be a Princess

 "Mom, I don't want to live with God when I die." I could hear the uncertainty in my four-year-old's voice as she spoke. Her older brother has been asking a lot of questions lately about God, heaven, and theology in general, so she has overheard a lot and understood little. Who is this strange God that we're supposed to go live with someday- someone we've never seen...?

"It's ok to feel that way," I told her gently, "But, the Bible says that God wants to make you a princess! God wants you to come live with Him (Ephesians 1:3-14), and help Him rule over the world after He fixes all the bad things (2 Timothy 2:1-13, Revelation 21:1-8). Isn't that exciting?!" I watched as her face slowly changed- her furrowed brow dissolved, and her countenance lit up with excitement and anticipation. 

"I get to be a princess?!" She asked with excitement. 

"Yes, you do! If you believe that Jesus saved you from your sins and the punishment you deserve; and, if you make Him king of your life and try your best to obey His rules, you will get to be a princess one day."

"I can't wait to tell everybody that I'm going to be a princess!!!" 

The sincerity and the excitement were beautiful to witness. All fear and uncertainty were gone, and her enthusiasm was so overwhelming that she wanted to share it with everyone else, too. Maybe that trust and enthusiasm are the reason why Jesus speaks so often of coming with the faith of a child; their excitement is contagious, and so completely perfect. There isn't apprehension or doubt, or stopping to calculate the risks; just the open acceptance of a beautiful truth. 

A lot of times, it seems like we adults are the short-sighted ones. We see the rules and the sacrifices we have to make that are in contradiction with our sin nature. We often fail to see beyond the temporary hardships to the future glory that awaits us. My daughter will learn that living for Christ isn't always easy, but if she strives to do so she will not be disappointed. For now, in her simplistic, naive little understanding of the world, all she wants is to be a princess. 

Maybe all of us long for that in one form or another. Maybe, if more people knew about the inheritance that awaits those who trust in Jesus' sacrifice of love for us, the present worldly darkness wouldn't seem so bad... Do you want to be a prince/princess?

Anti-Social Media: The Cost of Connections

I was speaking to a friend of mine recently about how we tend to see our flaws more glaringly than others do. And, not only in ourselves, but in things we create- whether we build, sew, bake, craft, paint, write, develop, present, or whatever else we may be doing- if it's something that is of our own design and making, we have a tendency to fixate on the shortcomings to the point that we are almost unable to see the true beauty that it is.

As I pondered this, I couldn't help but consider how this tendency is aggravated by social media, and how our relationships suffer as a result. There have already been numerous studies to support the fact that social media contributes to anxiety and depression. This is a real problem, especially considering its addictive nature. But, beyond just the chemical affect it has on our brains, I can't help but wonder how our relationships suffer- more than we realize. 

Social media is a place to showcase our accomplishments and edit our lives to show the beautiful parts of it. It's a facade- a fake. At best, it's a whitewashed version of reality, and probably more closely resembles fiction. We post things that we think will get attention, and wait for affirmation that others approve of our selections. Then, we are stuck somewhere between the ideal we've crafted for everyone else, and the knowledge that no one will ever really know us for who we are, because who would love the messy parts? 

Worse than that, whether we realize it or not, I think we are often intimidated by the ideals we have of other peoples' lives. "Wow. She has her life together so much more than I do. She wouldn't want to be my friend." Or, "I don't want him to know that this is something I struggle with, because he clearly doesn't and he'd think less of me if he knew." 

What are we doing? Are we really such gluttons for punishment that we are happy to set up a fake life to match all the other fake lives out there, just so we can pretend to be friends and live in total isolation? Neighbors used to know each other, visit each other, talk and commune together. It was less about political views and more about having relationships with the people you spend most of your time in close proximity to. It was about looking out for each other, and knowing that you would have help in a crisis; it was about living life. Together.

Suicide is on the rise. Depression, anxiety, and other struggles are on the rise. Clearly, there isn't enough quality help for everyone. Or, those who need help aren't willing to admit it. Do you know your neighbors well enough that you'd be comfortable calling them in an emergency? Would they call you? Do you know their routines well enough that you would recognize if they didn't leave the house for a day or two? I admit that I don't, but I would like to. 

Not everyone can be an expert in psychology. But, I think, not everyone needs a therapist. Maybe, just maybe, a lot of people just need a real friend. If all of us were intentional about the way we lived our lives with the people who live within walking distance of us; if our neighbors knew that they could call us when they felt like popping pills, maybe fewer people would feel that urge in the first place. 

I could be wrong. I'm not an expert. I don't have credentials. But, I do know that, for living so close together, most of us live very isolated lives- now more than ever. If we could start to change that where we live, I think it would do us all a lot of good.