Finding a System that Works for Your Family

Not all schedules are created equal

        I have always found schedules to be a bit of a challenge. On one hand, structure and routine is helpful for setting expectations and creating a natural rhythm during the day. On the other hand, life is unpredictable (especially with children), so there needs to be a certain amount of flexibility or a schedule can add to the frustration and stress instead of taking it away. So, while creating a schedule for your own family, it is important to account for the patterns that already occur naturally within your home, as well as the things that motivate the people affected by the schedule. By taking these details into account, it can make implementation much easier, and can set you up for a better chance of long term success.

Prioritize Practical Motivators

        In our home, we are intentional about trying to keep expectations in the home as true to life as possible. Our children are expected to contribute in age-appropriate ways to the upkeep of our home. We do not give allowance for chores, but emphasize the importance of working together as a family to keep our space clean, so no one is required to do everything on their own. (We do occasionally surprise them with small payment or other reward if they go above and beyond or take initiative to do extra on their own.) 

        Even our youngest children "help" with chores, which usually takes longer in the short run, but as their ability and confidence increase they are able to do the jobs more and more independently. Yesterday, I was feeling exceptionally tired, so after returning from taking them to their various activities I said, "I am going to take a nap. Work on these four tasks together, and when they're done you can play games or watch a movie until I wake up." My 11, 7, 6, and 4 year-old sprang into action and finished their chores together in 30 minutes, and were quietly doing their various activities when I got up. Time doing activities that they want to do has proved to be a powerful and effective motivator for them, and it helps to teach them the importance of time management.

Flexible Structure

        This is the schedule I created for my oldest son a couple of months ago, and it has worked well for him. He is very motivated by time to do the things he wants to do. I told him that the 9-12 timeframe is for only school-related activities. If he gets his assigned work done early then he is allowed to choose his own assignments for the rest of the time period. He reads faster than me, so this happens quite often and he watches a documentary, practices Free CAD, watches youtube videos on C++, or chooses some other "assignment" for himself that he has to get approved before starting. He loves being able to choose what he learns about, and if he has that to look forward to he doesn't usually need much nagging to get his work done. The 3-5 time slot is for outside play (if the weather is nice) or for finishing school that he didn't get done earlier. So, if he was dragging his feet in the morning, he loses some of his time outside in the afternoon (which he hates). Its a simple formula, but one that emphasizes time management and the natural consequences of procrastination.

Children love to have some control over their education

        It is also a good, practical way to teach responsible decision-making. Children can make choices within parameters set for them, and are often happy to do so. They are really just small humans who want to feel like they have some control over their own destiny (though they would probably not identify it as such). Each child is different, so the parameters that are set must take the individual child into account, but even simple things like allowing them to choose the order they do their subjects in can motivate them to do more focused work. 

        As part of a space camp my son was a part of this past week, he got to participate in a simulation of a Mars mission with a "real" shuttle and workstation. He played the weather officer, and had to closely monitor changes on the surface of Mars so they could "land" safely. It was a completely immersive experience, and the first time he had been in a high stress situation of that kind. He said he identified an asteroid that would be hitting the planet near where they were supposed to land, and they had only a few minutes to decide what course of action was needed to avoid a crash. When I asked him how he felt about being in a high-stress situation like that he said, "I liked the feeling that people were depending on me to help make the mission a success."

I encourage you to give your children opportunities to show you what they're capable of.

 

A Note for the Struggling Parent

The more I reflect on what it means to be a parent, the more amazed I am at the privilege, and humbled by the calling. It's not just about two people falling in love and procreating, it's about a sacred responsibility, and an opportunity have a lasting effect on the world for generations to come. How will the world be different because of the influence I have had on my children? Who will they become?

Children are amazing. They have such a capacity to learn and to love. Young children have minds designed to absorb everything they are exposed to- but, not only that- minds that process the information they're given so that it becomes the bedrock of their understanding of how the world works. As they grow up, they try to reconcile the new information with what they already know of the world. Children are not just more expensive "pets" that require more supervision, they are smaller people looking for their place and their purpose in the world.

When I look at my own children, I see mini people who want to be a part of,,, everything. They want to know how things work and why things are the way they are, and they want to help with the things I'm doing- they ALWAYS want to help. Sometimes, it's because they're curious, sometimes it's because they want to spend time with me; but, there's almost always someone helping me do chores, make dinner, etc. That's my secret to getting things done- my kids help me when they want to or they quit and find their own source of entertainment. But, I've found that if I let them participate for a little while they'll become bored and do their own thing, instead of fussing and interfering with my work all day long.

That's not to say that they don't fuss or interfere. Every day I'm reminded that they're little sinners just like me. But, they're also just trying to find their way like the rest of us; and, though it's hard, it's a wonderful, humbling task to be the one who gets to help guide them through the first crucial years of their life. 

I want to encourage the parents who are struggling right now, especially those who have recently decided to homeschool and feel like they're drowning. What you are doing DOES matter. The sacrifices you're making DO make a difference. We don't always get to know what impact our contributions make in the grand scheme of things, but sometimes we can catch a glimpse of the beautiful people our children are growing into. They are the next generation that will someday make the decisions and pull the weight of the labor force for our nation. The values that are taught to them- directly or indirectly- will stay with them for the rest of their lives and will influence the place they take in the world. 

Do your best. Expect to fail. And, when you do, show your children what it means to get up and try again. That may be the most important lesson of all. 

Photo Credit: Peony Photos @Jenna_Sullivan25

About the Book: The Fisherman's Son

I originally wrote The Fisherman's Son about nine years ago, when I was pregnant with my first child. I wrote it for him and our (then) future children as a gift; because, books have a unique and beautiful ability to tell a story, transport us to another place and time, teach a lesson, inspire us to be better, and so many other things. For my children, I wanted to have something to offer that would intrigue and inspire them, while illustrating some lessons that are hard to teach any other way. 

The biggest thing I hope to illustrate, for my children and for others, is that taking a stand based on our own moral code and Biblical ideology isn't just a masochistic love of hardship and rejection. It may seem like it at times in our finite understanding of the world and of the situation at hand; but, the reality is that we just aren't able to see the bigger picture. There are forces at work around us all the time, and we rarely get the opportunity to know that our suffering for the sake of our faith or our ideals served a purpose; or, that a greater good was achieved, despite the hardship. 

In The Fisherman's Son, the protagonist's greatest weapons against his captors are his kindness and integrity. People in the port cities they visit are drawn to him, because he is genuine and honest, and it ends up causing a lot of problems for the antagonists that ultimately result in him returning home.

The Fisherman's Son offers a rare glimpse into the "bigger picture." We don't always know the whole story or how our choices impact those around us, but we can be sure that the effect of a positive choice is more than just the seemingly senseless suffering that is often associated with a tough moral choice. 

This book is not overtly Christian, but it helps to reinforce Christian values in a practical way that is easier for adolescents to understand. I pray that it will be a blessing to many; and a helpful tool as parents try to manage the tough job of teaching and training into the teen years.

God bless! 

Kristy