Childhood Learning Environments and Their Impact on Emotional Intelligence (and why it matters)

 

               A young boy rides home from school, alone on the school bus. His face and clothes are dirty from being pushed down on the playground at recess; he spent lunch with his teacher, because a classmate falsely accused him of stealing a pudding cup. Today in class, he learned about all of the injustice in the world, and that his classmates don’t like it when he does well on tests. He learned to keep to himself to avoid trouble. Tired and embarrassed, he declines to answer questions about his day over dinner, and instead eats quietly and then excuses himself to go finish his homework and crawl into bed- resigned to repeat the same, humiliating routine tomorrow.

              Stories like this are not uncommon in public schools. Children self-segregate into groups based on the labels given to them by themselves or others, and strong children from troubled homes pick on classmates who stand out for one reason or another. Children from all backgrounds are thrown together into a big melting pot, of sorts, and parents hope that they will make it through unscathed. Most of them don’t. According to the National Center for Drug Abuse Statistics, twenty-one percent of eighth graders have tried an illicit drug at least once, and almost fifty percent will have tried drugs by twelfth grade. Sixty-two percent of teens 12-17 years old have abused alcohol by twelfth grade. Eleven percent of overdose deaths are in youth 15-24 years old.

              Sandstone Care, a recovery center for adolescents struggling with substance abuse, lists five different reasons why students start using drugs and alcohol: peer pressure, self-medication and escape, performance improvement, Experimentation, and to feel grown up. In a nutshell, many teens begin abusing drugs, at least in part, because of a lack of emotional Intelligence. Students feel unable to handle the social and academic stressors of the classroom setting.

According to Psychology Today, “Emotional intelligence refers to the ability to identify and manage one’s own emotions, as well as the emotions of others.” It enables individuals to navigate social scenarios based on one’s own feelings and the perceived feelings of others, allowing positive experiences and relationships to flourish. Emotional intelligence enables an individual to make others feel heard and cared for, while also exercising restraint when insults occur. It creates a sort of “buffer zone” between individuals, so they can interact and work together peacefully, without a lot of friction.

Emotional Intelligence consists of five main components: self-awareness, self-regulation, motivation, empathy, and social skills. It requires an awareness of one’s own triggers and motivators, and also the ability to anticipate the emotional responses of those they interact with. Higher emotional intelligence not only increases confidence, but also enables more positive interactions between people.

High emotional intelligence has implications far beyond high school. According to Forbes, emotional intelligence is the strongest predictor of performance, explaining a full 58% of success in all types of jobs. They also concluded that each point increase in emotional intelligence equates to $1,300 increase in annual income, regardless of location, demographic, or industry.

Emotional intelligence can have life-changing ramifications. And, it is learned. Unlike IQ and personality, which have an impact on success but cannot be altered much, emotional intelligence is something that develops with a person.

Much of this kind of learning is done during the early years in whatever environment one grows up in. For many, this looks like the inside of a classroom- the same setting every day, with the same people every day, experiencing the same pressures and embarrassments every day, sitting through hours of lectures that do not seem relevant to anything tangible. Children learn from the people around them, so when they are surrounded only by their peers, day in and day out, there is very little emotional maturing that can happen.

Conversely, some children learn in the safety of their homes. They are allowed to have some control over their learning experience, get more sleep, and grow up in an environment where learning is encouraged and celebrated instead of ridiculed. The homeschool experience is often more varied, and includes more real-world experiences as the family runs errands, attends get-togethers, classes, and field trips. Homeschool children are able to adapt to a wide variety of social situations.

As a result, peer-reviewed studies on social, emotional, and psychological development show homeschool students perform significantly better than those in conventional schools. They also feel better prepared for college and life after school, and are being sought after, more and more, by colleges because of the level of positive engagement they bring to the campus.

Emotional intelligence is an important facet of the individual’s personal portfolio. It can be learned at any age, but like most things, is best learned in childhood. What’s more, the relationships that are formed in childhood, good and bad, have an impact on the child for the rest of their lives.

 

Real-World, Experiential Learning

 

“The history of education shows that up to 50 years ago, education was principally geared towards getting a job. That’s no longer the case, it seems. If we could agree the purpose of education…, then we can agree the curriculum to fulfill that purpose. Everything else follows. And there may be more than one purpose and there may be more than one curriculum. One size doesn’t fit all. (Schoolsmith, 2019)”

Children should know more than how to fill in bubble answers when they leave school. They should be confident in their abilities to think and reason, and be able to adapt to whatever environment they’re put into. They should be able to speak with respect and a deeply held belief that they have something valuable to say. Children should be able to step into the real world and say, “I’ve seen this before, and I know what to do; this time, I’m just doing it on my own.”

That is a hard goal to attain when children spend forty or more hours a week sitting in a classroom, surrounded by the same people and the same predictable environment. In a survey of 165,000 high school students, “An overwhelming number of students, 87 percent, want to eventually earn a college degree and land a career. But many believe that their schools aren’t helping them develop the skills they’ll need to succeed after graduation.”

In the grand scheme of things, “school age” represents a very small part of peoples’ lives. It is also the period in which their brains are developing and growing to survive in the world they are living in. It does not make sense for them to spend a significant amount of time in a classroom setting for thirteen to twenty years, in a stagnant and predictable environment, only to be thrown out into the chaos of a world that demands improvisation and a plethora of skills that are never taught in school. Is it any wonder that they feel lost when they are suddenly expected to integrate into the world as good and productive citizens? Students who are forced to drop out to help take care of their families understand, better than most, that there is a disconnect between what most schools offer and what they need to succeed, or even just to survive, in their real-life situations.

Academic learning is important, but it needs to have evident real-life applications. Children- especially young children- thrive when they are able to learn things that are “real” and relevant. They love to help out with what they see adults doing, because that’s how they learn to become a part of the same world.

“Learning is the holistic process of adaptation. Learning is not just the result of cognition but involves the integrated functioning of the total person- thinking, feeling, perceiving, and behaving. It encompasses other specialized models of adaptation from the scientific method to problem solving, decision making, and creativity.”.

Teaching children is much like planting a garden. If you are planting a garden, most people know that it is not enough to simply scatter seeds and water them incessantly. Plants need much more than just water. They grow best if they are planted at the proper time of year, they need room to grow, proper soil that is well-drained, nutrient rich, and the proper pH; plants need the proper amount of sunlight, good air flow, protection from extreme elements, and they need time.

However, planting a garden is more complicated than that. Because, different plants have different individual needs; some plants grow well next to each other, and others inhibit each other’s growth. So, it’s beneficial to strategically plant to allow for optimal growth.

Even if all of these considerations are accounted for with complete precision, plants will grow at different rates. Even multiple plants of the same variety will not grow exactly the same. But, eventually, if their needs are met, all plants should grow strong and hearty- the best version of themselves they can be.

By contrast, if seeds are scattered without much forethought or prep work, they will not grow as well. If the new seedlings are watered incessantly to get them to grow, some will grow, but many will drown. It is easy for the plants to become waterlogged, and many will rot or become diseased. Without good sunlight, plants will become “leggy”- tall and weak; without good airflow they will develop mildew or other fungus; without balanced nutrients, leaves will yellow or growth will be stunted- some will do well, but most will struggle to grow, and almost none will reach their full potential. Water is essential for growth, but too much water, or not enough of other essentials, makes it almost impossible for plants to grow well.

In the same way, academics are important. But, focusing exclusively on academics for the first thirteen, or more, years of life means that children’s development becomes very lopsided, and they are ill-equipped to “withstand the elements” when they arise. It used to be, that academics were secondary to the needs of the family and learning the family trade. For many years, school was a luxury that only the wealthiest families were able to provide for their children. It is a huge blessing that virtually every child now is able to be educated; however, we seem to have reached the other end of the pendulum, where children are well-versed in the things they are taught in school, but they don’t have experience or knowledge of much else. Instead of having a family trade to fall back on, children now are stuck living at home, because they go through school and then feel ill-equipped to do anything once their school tenure is done.

School was never intended to replace home learning, but was meant to be an addition to it, to enhance individuals’ abilities to thrive and provide for their families. Reading, writing, and math make it possible for people to gain knowledge independently, communicate ideas, and engage in fair business transactions. These skills are essential. They are important skills for success in business and in life. But, on their own they leave much to be desired, because there is no context in which to use them.

Until there is practical application for even these basic skills, they are just abstract ideas that possesses very little real-world significance. Perhaps that it what is missing most from the modern approach to education- people used to understand the need for these basic skills so there was a desire to learn them. Today, many people seem to have lost sight of the context and practical application for these skills, so there is very little perceived value in knowing how to do them. Children who are more involved in real-world activities better understand the importance of these skills and have a greater appreciation for school.

Intangible Currency and a Simplified Life

 

When did it become virtuous to work oneself to death? Why has overcommitting and under sleeping come to mean we're "doing it right?" I'm guilty of the same thing- of finding ways to stay busy without any real intentionality. And, its exhausting. And frustrating. Because, the more we push ourselves, the more we struggle to do our tasks well. The more we succeed by the world's standards- throwing more and more balls in the air- the more we feel like we're failing, as our nearly perfect performance becomes more and more flawed with each new commitment. For Christians who are also trying to "be still" as the Bible tells us to, it's another reminder of all the things we are failing to do well. 

I've wrestled with this a lot. Because, the world measures worth in money, achievements, and busyness. In the absence of one, it makes sense that one would need to double up on another. As a stay at home mom with no significant financial contribution, aside from what I save us in would-be childcare, fast food costs, and skincare expenses, I've tried to increase my "value" in other ways. 

I have come to understand that everything is limited- time, strength, mental and physical energy- like a kind of intangible currency we spend to achieve the things we prioritize. When we spend it in one place it reduces the amount we have to use in another, and if we come up short we have to compensate by pulling from other areas. Overexerting in one area often means taking from another for a less than perfect end result. If we're mentally overworked, the task we're attempting often takes longer; if we feel exceptionally stressed in any area we often become irritable and short-tempered. It is discouraging to feel like you're completely spent and still came up short. But, how many of us feel like this every. Single. Day? Is it any wonder that some people give up trying?

This has been one of my hard-learned lessons over the past several years- that "be still" is not another task to accomplish, but permission to pause and breathe. What is it that we are really trying to accomplish? What tasks are causing more stress than they're worth? A question that I ask a lot when it comes to homeschooling my kids is, "what is necessary and beneficial for learning, and what is busywork that can be skipped?" 

One of the reasons, I think, people get overwhelmed by the idea of homeschooling, is because school has become such a big, complex, amorphic monster. Like so many other things in our lives, education has become a construct of rules and rubrics- a check-the-boxes-to-make-sure-nothing-is-missed deity that is a necessary evil people tolerate because they have to. I think it is time to re-evaluate this perception. All of the books and computer programs, worksheets, and teaching aids are great, but they should be tools we use, not the immovable, apathetic dictator they often become. 

What do children absolutely need to know to succeed in life? Academically, they need to know how to read and write and do math. For a long time, those were the only things that were taught in school- everything else was taught at home, learning the family trade and how to keep a home. Do you know those things well enough to teach them with the help of aids? If no, are you able to find someone who can? Suddenly, the big scary monster is a manageable size, and you are free to fill in other lessons and activities that are of interest or you feel are important. This is just one example of practical simplification, and how it gives us the freedom to enjoy our work. 

"Be still" does not mean we are meant to be idle- there are many passages in the Bible that talk about the importance of work. But, I do think it means slowing down and being intentional; clearing our minds enough that we are able to be present and engaged- with those around us and with God. Perhaps that is one of the greatest gifts children give us- engaging with and teaching them necessitates that we slow down and act intentionally. When we try to get them to move at our pace there is frustration and resentment, maybe even anger; but, if we can slow down and help them at their pace without feeling the pressure to accomplish quickly, in the end we are able to accomplish so much more with minimal discord. 

And, isn't this what Jesus taught when he was on earth? More tasks, rules, and rituals does not make a person "better." Rather, it's important to focus on what really matters. In his case it was to focus on him as the only means of salvation, but the concept applies to other areas of life, also. When we understand what matters we are able to be more efficient in the work we do, and ultimately we can accomplish more with our sanity intact. 

And so, I encourage you to be still, even in your work; to be intentional, and strip your work down to what really matters. In the end, that's the most satisfying part anyway- knowing you did something that mattered, and you did it well. 

The Academic Case for Homeschooling

 

“…Last, but not least, every child wants to know. There they are, those desires, ready to act on occasion and our business is to make due use of this natural provision for the work of education. We do make use of the desires, not wisely, but too well. We run our schools upon emulation, the desire of every child to be first; and not the ablest, but the most pushing, comes to the front. We quicken emulation by the common desire to get and to have, that is, by the impulse of avarice. So we offer prizes, exhibitions, scholarships, every incentive that can be proposed. We cause him to work for our approbation, we play upon his vanity, and the boy does more than he can. What is the harm, we say, when all those springs of action are in the child already? The athlete is beginning to discover that he suffers elsewhere from the undue development of any set of muscles; and the boy whose ambition, or emulation, has been unduly stimulated becomes a flaccid person. But there is a worse evil. We all want knowledge just as much as we want bread. We know it is possible to cure the latter appetite by giving more stimulating food; and the worst of using other spurs to learning is that a natural love of knowledge which should carry us through eager school-days, and give a spice of adventure to the duller days of mature life, is effectually choked; and boys and girls ‘cram to pass but not to know; they do pass but they don’t know.’ The divine curiosity which should have been an equipment for life hardly survives early schooldays.” (Mason, 2017)

Charlotte Mason was a teacher in England the early 1900s. Although she taught thousands of children, in her later years she began teaching parents and caregivers on how children learn and thrive best. She stressed the importance of giving children exposure to a wide variety of ideas and experiences, and giving them the freedom to interpret the information for themselves. She believed in encouraging curiosity, and guiding self-motivated learning for the sake of understanding, rather than force-feeding information that was disconnected from the world the children lived in. She believed that all children had the capacity to learn in this way- in a society where poor children learned a trade rather than receiving a formal education- regardless of their social or economic “advantage,” because all children are born with the capacity to observe and create their own ideas accordingly.

To varying degrees, homeschool families largely ascribe to this same philosophy in the instruction of their children. While textbooks and worksheets are often used, there is a more pronounced focus on real-world, experiential learning, which is more engaging and increases retention; textbook concepts are often reinforced through practical application, so there is a better understanding of their relevance for real life. This may contribute to the results of a recent study by the National Home Education Research Institute, which concluded, “The home-educated typically score 15 to 30 percentile points above public-school students on standardized academic achievement tests.” These percentages were even more pronounced in minority students. In addition, “Research facts on homeschooling show that the home-educated are doing well, typically above average, on measures of social, emotional, and psychological development. Research measures include peer interaction, self-concept, leadership skills, family cohesion, participation in community service, and self-esteem.”

The academic advantage of homeschooling extends beyond the elementary and secondary education years. Alpha Omega Publications states, “’The high achievement level of homeschoolers is readily recognized by recruiters from some of the best colleges in the nation,” said Dr. Susan Berry, who researches and writes about educational topics like the fast growing rate of homeschooling. “Schools such as Massachusetts Institute of Technology, Harvard, Stanford, and Duke University all actively recruit homeschoolers.’”

“Educational consultant and former homeschool mom Dori Staehle recruited both homeschool and public school students in her job as a college admissions counselor. Staehle said that schools have caught on to the fact that homeschoolers represent a desirable pool of talent, often possessing impressive reading lists, letters of recommendation, AP credits, and experience in volunteering and the arts.”

Business Insider states, “…the term "homeschooling" is actually kind of a misnomer: Learning at home is only part of the equation. It's really about involving the surrounding community in raising the kids — that's when education starts to excel. Away from the standardized tests and rigid schedules in public education, kids can let their creative sides flourish, learn about the world they live in, and, when it's time, earn acceptance into the best colleges in the world.”

While homeschooled students thrive academically, in the early years and through college, public school students tend to struggle. “According to research…just under 40 percent of students score at college and career ready levels on NAEP. "College and career ready" means these scores strongly predict that students will be able to succeed doing college-level academics, or with on-the-job training in a position requiring only a high school diploma.” This contrast is shocking, especially when one considers that taxpayers pay an average of $13,000 per year, per public school student.

It is daunting to undertake a task as monumental as homeschooling, and to know that your children rely on you to prepare them for the “real world” later. However, there is a lot of evidence to support the positive outcome for students taught at home, regardless of the education level of their parents. Homeschool parents are able to give their children unparalleled attention and a much more personalized education experience than even the best overworked teacher. Children learn the most through experiences, and experiences are much easier to have with the flexibility of a homeschool environment.

An Introduction to Homeschooling

 

Homeschooling has been a somewhat ambiguous idea for most people in the past. There have been a lot of narratives pushed about the homeschool lifestyle with varying levels of credibility. Some are good, some are bad; many tend to be more of the exception than the rule. Nevertheless, the stories that have been spun lead to some confusion among outsiders as to the true nature of homeschooling. This book is an attempt to remedy that, and to encourage parents that, though daunting, homeschooling is a possible, worthwhile venture that often leads to better parent-child relationships and more well-rounded individuals.

Homeschooling, quite simply, is teaching children academic principles at home. In the early years, this often includes math, writing, and reading, along with some basic science, and maybe some art or music studies. In upper elementary school it may also include foreign language, history, grammar, logic, social studies; and high school may also include government, rhetoric, debate, home economics, financial planning, and a variety of interest-specific hobbies and classes. Core classes are often influenced by the requirements of the state, but additional classes are selected based on personal interest and the values of the individual family.

There are a variety of different approaches and curricula that parents choose to utilize with their children, but the hallmark of homeschooling is flexibility. Parents have the freedom to choose their approach to teaching, as well as their timetable for doing it; some parents adhere to the traditional nine-month school year with breaks according to the local public-school schedule, while others opt to do school year-round, three days a week, or with customized breaks for family trips or major family events, such as new babies, moves, or family emergencies.

Parents also have the flexibility to speed up or slow down at various points in accordance with their students’ abilities and weaknesses. Sometimes, children pick up on a concept very quickly and can move on; other times, they struggle, and even need to take a break, and revisit the concept at a later time. Rather than repeating a concept ad nauseum, homeschool parents have the ability to step away from it for a while, and return to it at a later date when a child is better prepared and less frustrated.

In addition, homeschool parents have the ability to change their approach if a student doesn’t seem to be grasping a concept well. This can mean supplementing with something different, or even switching to a new curriculum in the middle of the year to suit their needs. Unlike public school, where teachers are often limited in their time and resources, and forced to resort to a checking-the-boxes and memorizing-the-answers approach to learning so that students often graduate with only a rudimentary understanding of critical concepts, such as reading, writing, and math (Allen, 2016), homeschool families have the luxury of being able to alter their approach, so a concept is easier to comprehend. This individualized approach helps to ensure that students intimately learn the information for themselves, instead of “slipping through the cracks” of an over-extended, one-size-fits-all approach.

Homeschooling often focuses on quality, not quantity. A typical homeschool day is often only 2-3 hours of focused work for lower levels, and 4-5 hours for high school. This means that children have more time to explore their own interests, participate in extracurricular activities, and get more sleep. Homeschoolers do not usually have homework assignments to do, because they get all of their schoolwork done during the course of the day. This shorter, more focused, and flexible approach makes it easier for children to give their attention to their studies.

One of the most advantageous elements of homeschooling is the ability for real-world learning. Homeschool students are often involved in day-to-day household activities, as well as their studies. This means that they are educated, not only in skills necessary for employment, but also keenly aware of the responsibilities of running a home. During a school day, a student may accompany their parent to the bank and discuss the reason for the visit; they may go to the grocery store and calculate the price per ounce of a specific item; they may take an impromptu field trip to an excavation site or to the zoo.

Homeschooling is less of a “thing to do” and more of a lifestyle for many families. It’s about gently coaching students to be equipped to live confidently and competitively in the “real world” once they leave home. This includes unstructured social interactions with people of all ages and backgrounds, exposure to a variety of environments, and participation in numerous activities to challenge and stretch the child, and help them discover their talents and interests.

It is difficult to accurately describe something that is as amorphous as homeschooling. The truth is, it is as unique for each family as the family itself. Let this be an encouragement as you begin to explore the possibilities of homeschooling together. There isn’t a right or wrong way to do it. Homeschooling is very much a journey- of learning what works for your family and what doesn’t; becoming intimately acquainted with your children’s learning styles and your own approach to teaching. It’s a quest for the happy medium where the children learn, trust is built, and frustration is kept to a minimum. That is probably the hardest thing to wrap one’s mind around as a new homeschooler- kids just need to learn the basics; and, if they still love learning when that’s done, and are equipped and motivated to learn things on their own, that’s a true homeschool success story!

Want to read more? Find the book here: The Science of Homeschooling

You can buy my adventure novel for young teens here!

Peace for a World at War

 The world is in chaos. 

Countries are firing missiles at one another; governments are struggling to control divided, and increasingly less cooperative, populations; people are up in arms against each other, and truth is evasive. 

The world needs Jesus. 

I was speaking to a friend of mine the other day, who spoke of peace as the ultimate ideal. Of course, everyone wants peace. Everyone wants to go to sleep at night knowing that they and their loved ones will wake up the next day to a world they want to live in. And yet, peace is evasive. 

Take the current border crisis, for instance. There are two main ideologies in America, and two others involved. The first, says that everyone deserves the luxuries our country has to offer, and everyone should be welcomed and treated as citizens; the second, recognizes the desperation of those who are trying to come here, but also knows that there's no way our country could care for everyone without quickly becoming like the country they were escaping from. The second group thinks it necessary to limit the number of people allowed to come to America, to protect everyone involved, and to ensure that we continue to stay in a position where we can supply humanitarian aid to others. Both groups ultimately want the same thing, but their perceived "best method" is different. Even in the quest for peace, there is conflict. 

The other two groups involved are those chasing the hope of a better life for themselves and their families, and those who are set on exploiting those who are desperately pursuing a better life. Politicians quarrel amongst themselves as to the best course of action, Americans bicker about what SHOULD be done and who should decide, and meanwhile families are torn apart and children are abducted and sold to be trafficked in our country or others. Who is the real enemy? Well, the real enemy is Satan, but we have become so nearsighted that the people we're most at odds with are our neighbors who simply don't agree on the best course of action. Even though we share a common goal.

So, what do we do? How do we fix something that is so utterly broken? The short answer is, we can't. Not alone. But, if we can begin to extend love and grace to others- as Jesus said- then things will start to change. 

Our society has decided that it's important to teach people, from the earliest age, all the way they can be hurt and just how entitled they are to lash out in pain and resentment and hate. The truth is, every one of us has been hurt; and, every one of us has hurt people we love. Every one of us has had something we said misunderstood or misinterpreted to cause unintended harm. 

Where does that leave us? If we do what we are told- and if we make sure everyone knows just how badly we have been wronged- it will lead to more hurt and more pain and more animosity. No one will ever win. Perhaps this is why Paul wrote, "Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity." (Colossians 3:12-14)

This is a foreign concept to a lot of people, and it's becoming more so as God is forcefully removed from schools, and eradicated from more and more parts of society. 

It's an unfortunate thing, but it has been the pattern of civilizations throughout time. Since the first man and woman rebelled against God in the Garden of Eden, people and groups and dynasties have risen up under God, rejected Him, and in the midst of their demise they cry out to God and He rescues them. Those who don't cry out to God for forgiveness are destroyed. 

There is nothing "progressive" about our culture now. Sodom and Gomorrah were destroyed for similar "progressive" ideas just a few hundred years after the world was formed. People have not "evolved," they're just lost again.

The point I am trying to make, is that we have been blaming each other for things that are rooted- not in "bad blood," but in evil that has been allowed to run rampant for too long. In the Bible, Paul writes, "Finally, be strong in the Lord and in the strength of His might. Put on the full armor of God, so that you will be able to stand firm against the schemes of the devil. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the powers, against the world forces of this darkness, against the spiritual forces of wickedness in the heavenly places. Therefore, take up the full armor of God, so that you will be able to resist on the evil day, and having done everything, to stand firm." (Ephesians 6:10-13) 

Until we can stop treating each other with animosity, which won't be possible until our focus is on something other than ourselves, the chaos and the hatred and the pain will continue to fester and spread. 

I am praying for the heart of each and every person who reads this post- that you will know the truth, and your heart will be stirred. That you will begin to ask questions and search out the REAL answers. That your heart will be changed.

If you already know Jesus, then I pray that you will be encouraged. Because, what is happening now is nothing new. It has happened before, and God is still Sovereign. He will not be "cancelled," (historically, His Truth spreads like wildfire in the midst of oppression), and He has already won. He will bring true unity and peace to our world again. In His time. 

Whoever you are, wherever you are, I pray that the Lord will bless you and keep you, and reveal Himself to you in a very real way. "The Lord is not slow about His promise, as some count slowness, but is patient toward you, not willing for any to perish, but for all to come to repentance." (2 Peter 3:9)

Hope in Spite of Grief

 We lost a baby this week. It's a deep, gut-wrenching loss that I'd hoped I would never experience, but that didn't stop it from happening. It s a surreal thing- to see the baby on the ultrasound and then to know it isn't there anymore. It's a little hard to accept at times... 

I know I'm not alone. I'm just one of so many thousands of women who have miscarriages every year. It's heartbreaking to think about. The world is so full of heartbreak... 

I was blessed by a friend who came to minister to me today, and she read to me from 2 Corinthians 1- 

"Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God. For as we share abundantly in Christ's sufferings, so through Christ we share abundantly in comfort too." 

Chapter 4 goes on to say, 

"Therefore, having this ministry by the mercy of God, we do not lose heart... For what we proclaim is not ourselves, but Jesus Christ as Lord, with ourselves as your servants for Jesus' sake. For God, who said, 'Let light shine out of darkness,' has shone in our hearts to give the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Jesus Christ.

But we have this treasure in jars of clay, to show that the surpassing power belongs to God and not to us. We are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not driven to despair; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed; always carrying in the body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be manifested in our bodies. For we who live are always being given over to death for Jesus' sake, so that the life of Jesus also may be manifested in our mortal flesh."

This is the hope that Christians have that the world doesn't understand. I have hope in the midst of heartache, because I believe that God is good, even when things happen that we don't understand. Maybe in this case it's the ability to sympathize with others who have been in this situation; maybe, it's a change in me that needed to happen. I have been so afraid, for so long, that something would happen to one of my babies that I wouldn't be able to prevent. I just can't fathom that kind of grief. I have been blessed with four beautiful babies, who I would do anything to protect; but, I lost this one, and there was nothing I could do to prevent it. 

As I left the doctors' office the other day with the knowledge of what was to come, I felt a stirring in my spirit, and a quiet, gentle voice that said, "Stop clinging so tight to things that are beyond your control. You know that I AM good, and I AM in control, and I will keep them. You need to let go."

And so, in the midst of this, though my heart still aches for the baby I didn't get to hold, I feel braver. Because I believe in the goodness of God, and that good will come from our loss, even though I may not ever know the extent of it. And, even in this, God has been merciful; He chose to use a precious unborn life instead of one of the beautiful babies that I've held and cared for and gotten to know for so many years. 

"And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose." -Romans 8:28